You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
