at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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