Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
