she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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