Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
