if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
