How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
