Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
