i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
