At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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