ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
