I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
