I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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