I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
