Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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