If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
