Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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