well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The best revenge is premature balding
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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