youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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