i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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