Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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