Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
