I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You may now shotgun with the bride
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
