Whod you bang
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
