how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize