im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
