The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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