He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
