he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
