I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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