Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
