Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
