i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize