Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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