I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
