went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize