oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize