it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
