I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
