I think i peed on brittanys purse
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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