I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize