Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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