WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize