I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
