And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just gift wrapped bread.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Randomize
