dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize