just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize