i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
