HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
