are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
