The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
