So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
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