sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
