i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
