Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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