What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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