This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
