just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
