32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
