the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
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