I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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