I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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