Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The Olympian is in my bed
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
