Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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