i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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