Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
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