Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
