I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
