I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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