Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
